Lemon Cream

is probably the most disgusting chocolate I've ever tasted. I'm eating it right now and oh my GOSH it is FOUL!! I was given this box of chocolates fro Christmas/birthday and I opened them like, 15 minutes ago. I've already eaten half the pack. I don't feel any better. Work was crap as hey. I felt so sick after lunch that I had to sit down for 20 minutes settling my stomach so I wouldn't throw up on unsuspecting customers. It was disgusting. Truly. I don't know if it's from last night or what but it's terrible. And I'm eating all this crap food so I've put on a million kilos of weight. It's disgusting. Boo.

Noah Joss was at church last night and of course, that is the night I wasn't there. How crap is that? I am really quite jealous of Emily Du Toit who held little Noah. Boo to that.

On another note, I may resign from Betts. I don't know how long I'll be wanted around there, and I'm really quite nervous about the possibility of moving on. I finally got used to working with this amazing crew and I'm going to have to leave them. Sucky. I was talking to Marie and we were talking about not leaving 'till the other one did. I don't want to break a promise but isn't it better to leave on a good note before I'm fired? Or hated immensely? Whichever comes first. I don't know hey. Life is crap. It really is. However emo it sounds, I honestly can't wait to die in this world because I'm over all the crap and I just want to move on. I've been feeling so sick, physically, spiritually and mentally lately. And I know it's all the root of me making bad decisions and choices but I never seem to make the right decisions or choices. And I suck at my job. I can't do anything right you know? I can't sell, I can't get things finished quickly. I can only get through vacuuming half the freaking shop in the morning. What the hell is wrong with me?! I've changed so much and it's not for the better. Katelyn and Marie try to make me look at the positives, 'Oh you do what we ask you to, we ask you to do something and we don't have to check up on you because we know you'll do it' blah, blah, blah. Whatever. The whole idea of Betts is selling. Not vacuuming or dusting or pulling shoes and tagging. I'm treated like the kid, the others are only a couple months older than me, I'm not a freaking museum you can all stop and stare at. For once in my life I want to be good at something! Do you know how frustrating it is not to be able to do anything? It's crap! It really is! I feel so lost all the time, I'm always confused and I can't fix it. Life is a hole. And I'm over it.